Mini-Rant on a So-Called "Cure"

It's amazing how the simplest internet search inspired by curiosity can fuel a blog post mini-rant.

Earlier today, a coworker informed me that she's taking Human Sexuality, a course that I've been considering taking in the near future. One of the reasons I have an interest in the course is I am interested in what causes us to be attracted to the ones we're attracted to. What is it that makes a person homosexual/heterosexual/bisexual/asexual? Is it genetic, something intrinsic in your personality, or something else entirely? Out of curiosity, I typed in "homosexual attraction" into the Bing search engine to see if anything pertinent would come up. Considering what I was looking for, I was surprised with what actually came up. I was bombarded with several web sites claiming to help the reader "overcome unwanted same-sex attractions," and find "healing of sexual attractions." I also discovered an article on Conservapedia, a spin-off of Wikipedia geared towards Christians, purporting the now-obsolete belief that homosexuality is a mental disorder.

While I realize that millions of Americans, especially Christians, hold to this belief that same-sex attraction is a disease that can and must be "cured," it still catches me off-guard when I see it spelled out so ruthlessly. I can't help but think that these same people who offer "healing" obviously have no idea what it's like to be attracted to someone of the same gender, and don't care enough to even research it. It's easier to just slap a label on someone and scream "repent!" then it is to actually care.

For the record, I am a Christian. I am also bisexual. A year ago, I was finally admitting to myself after years of denying it that I have strong attractions to both men and women. During that time, I wanted nothing more than for those attractions towards women to go away. I had buried them for years, after all. A friend sent me a link to a Christian forum that claimed to help teens overcome their same-sex desires, which only served to make me feel even more that God must hate me. As hard as I tried, I couldn't be rid of them, which made me feel like I must be a failure. Needless to say, that friendship didn't last much longer.

Eventually I realized that the only way I could overcome my depression was to accept that yes, I am bisexual, and it's not something I can control. When I finally did reach that point of acceptance, it was like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. Now that I had accepted who I am, I could choose my next step. Only from there could I decide if bisexuality was something I wanted to embrace or ignore. I decided to embrace who I am, but I could just as easily have gone another route after reaching that point. That's why it irritates me when people treat homosexuality like something that needs to be hidden away or cured. A person just discovering their same-sex attractions is already feeling vulnerable, perhaps even scared or ashamed. The last thing they need is a so-called "cure."

Happiness--A Choice?

While I was browsing Facebook today, I saw a status update that to me was a slap in the face. It read "Happiness is a choice, not a coincidental state of being. I choose to be happy because of Jesus, not because of my circumstances." I realize that this is a very common belief. You can choose to be happy if you really want to be. If you're right with God, then you'll never get depressed. I'll admit that on a surface level, this can be true. Some can choose to let go of bitterness and unforgiveness despite tragedy, which in turn gives them more piece of mind. On a deeper level however, the belief that you can choose to be happy and simply wish away any negative feelings is nothing more than wishful thinking and is an insult to those who just can't be "happy," such as sufferers of clinical depression. Those who say "happiness is a choice" are blithely ignoring this simple fact: happiness takes much more than just a will to be happy.

As a person who has suffered from depression and anxiety off and on for years, I take issue with those who would undermine what I go through by basically telling me that it's all my fault. It's either because I am holding on to bitter feelings because of my circumstance, or I'm simply not right with God. Never mind that depression runs in my family, or that human emotions are largely regulated by chemicals in your brain rather than personal choice. If you're not "happy," whatever happiness is, then it's all your fault.

Common sense and science do not agree with the viewpoint that happiness is a choice. To quote Christian comedian Ken Davis, "If happiness was a choice, then everyone in the world would be happy." When you're depressed, you want nothing more to be *not* depressed. You want that ache inside, that heavy weight that's crushing you, to go away. Unfortunately, you can't just wish away depression. And no matter how many times you pray and read the Bible, when you're depressed, you know with certainty that your prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling. In many cases, the only way to get out of depression is through therapy or medicine to help balance out the off-kilter chemicals in your brain or a mixture of both. Personally, I would much prefer having a professional helping me rather than having to depend on my fickle human mind to get me out of depression.

I use myself as an example in this blog, but I do not get offended by those well-intentioned but utterly unhelpful recitations of "Happiness is a choice!" or "Just pray and it'll get better" because of myself. I get up in arms because those empty words do more harm than good to those, like the loved one I dedicated my blog on suicide to, who are suffering. But, rather than give into the temptation to smack someone across the face or give them a good verbal beatdown, I instead decided to take the road-less-traveled and instead educate those who most likely have no idea how useless their words are. I aim to make people think twice before repeating a variation of those two phrases to a hurting friend.